Lotsa Love
Kat
xxx

A few days ago I was looking for some photos I had printed of summer 2008, when I came across some from my high school leavers (2006) and some from my 17th birthday house party celebration. I also found the books I’d got people to sign and write notes in when we left high school, with spaces for me to stick in the photos. I spent a good 2 hours wistfully reading through, remembering those times and sticking them all in place (only 3 years later…) Some people looked so different from how they used to, and others look almost exactly the same. A few photographs to me now symbolise hugely not just a moment in time but the way some people are and always will be, for example there is a group shot of James and his friends which is blurred in places where they moved or were shoved; they couldn’t be mature enough to stand still for the second it takes to click the button, and I don’t think that will ever change! Another example was the image of a girl who I used to be very close with, but we drifted apart in our last year of high school. This was something that was mostly due to her personality, and the photo of her showed this; she has her back to the camera, but is looking back at me over her shoulder, her tongue sticking out. She was never able to truly ‘commit’ as a friend and frequently let me down or left me feeling out of the loop.

There is something a little bit magic about photographs which you have printed; being able to hold that memory in a physical form has a pleasure that owning the digital version doesn’t quite match.
Another thing I found was that looking back, in all the photos I was reminded of a line from the Baz Luhrmann song – Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

“In 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked”

Which is so true; we we’re moving on in our lives and we still have all that possibility and potential to fulfil. If I can see that just three years down the line, I really do wonder what It will be like 10, 20, even 30 years later. I hope I’ll be able to look back with the same affection.

I think I’ll leave it there for today; the weather is looking threatening so I think I’ll retreat to the house.
Lotsa Love
Kat
xxx

That aside. This weekend was really great for me -
Me and my friends have welcomed in our new lifestyle out of halls and into our own homes with a house party on Saturday, which was a great opportunity to get together and do what we all do best; rave it up messily. The morning after came, dutifully bringing the groans of mysterious bruises, hangovers and regrets. I truly do <3 seeing my uni friends, and I miss them so much when we’re all apart but its great when we all get back together and slide into our roles like the dysfunctional family we are.

Then on Sunday, I spent 4 hours out in the countryside pub hacking. That involved many many gallops, a few horse arguments and my first taste of sloe gin, which I enjoyed It was beautiful, the sun was setting and all the horses were fairly well behaved. We also had a few hair-raising gallops in the dark, which mostly involved hunkering down and holding on, taking solace in the hope that horses see better than humans do without light to guide them. However, now my muscles are protesting, and I feel something like an arthritic old woman from the lower back down; I have to walk down stairs sidewards to avoid too much bending of the left knee. Totally worth it!

My placement at ICH continues on wednesday. Its going well (forgetting the 4 hours on trains) and I am enjoying it, although it seems to have become a bit of a logistical nightmare dealing with the sheer volume of cases and keeping them organised. Also, I noticed that the three of us working together seem to be being knocked back slowly by the quantity and nature of the cases; you live in the hope that the horrors which crop up on NSPCC adverts are few and far between but it would appear not.
When I said it all seemed rather hopeless to my friend, I was given some good advice; hopeless doesn’t mean giving up, it means doing as much you can, while you can. (Well what he actually said was “Take down as many motherfuckers as you can with you”) Something which is applicable to a lot in life and certainly made me smile.

Lots of Love
Kat
xxx

P.S The title are lyrics I took from the song ‘Sloe Gin’ by Joe Bonamassa. A song I <3 and also due to my newly found <3 of the drink

I hate trains. Really I do – I don’t know if I happen to have mentioned that in passing but from my experience they are over priced, the service is often delayed or late and customer service is often rude and unhelpful.
So just imagine my delight, when twice now I have enjoyed a train journey of around an hour and a half, with absolutely no form of cooling inside the train. So, sitting in a metal and glass tube, filled with people on a day when its around 30degrees outside, making the inside at least 10 – 15 degrees warmer. Yummy sweaty fun right there I’m telling you.

So that whining aside, it has obviously been glorious summer weather, although of course I am yet to get a tan (well I didn’t in the Bulgarian sun so I’m not holding my breath for it to happen here!)
Good weather makes for good moods and also means that the summer wardrobe can be brought out to its fullest – skirts and colourfulness here I am It also means the obligatory rainbow nail varnish has been applied to the toes for flashing in my flip-flops.

Riding has been pretty damn good, seems some sort of break through, and although next week I’m not on the current favourite Small But Mighty (SBM, or Pebbles to her friends), I will hopefully be getting some video so maybe I’ll put it up here if I’m not too terrible.

On Monday I’m driving to Guildford to get my new house, which I am very very excited about The raving is scheduled to begin soon after this, so let the good times roll on! I have massive bottle of champaign which Tom kindly got me for my birthday; I think I shall use it to get the party started. Yeh, posh raving is the way to go.

Well, just a few updates there, nothing really stunning happening that I can wow anyone with.
Lots Love
Kat
xxx

So, moving forward, I got my results; I passed my first year with 57.5% average which comes out at a 2.2, I would have liked a 2.1 but due to a near scrape pass in my statistic module (I think I got 43% and you have to get 40% for a pass) my average was pulled down. My best result was 76% in the ‘individual differences’ module – this module is about…yeah, you guessed it…individual differences in behaviour and personality (etc).

I also successfully applied for work experience at the Institute of Child Health at UCL. I’m working in a research team on a project investigating the effectiveness of a training method for the recognition and management of emotional abuse in children for social services. (a bit of a mouthful!). That means that right now I’m doing a whole lot of entering data from the case studies which have been collected; these cases obviously concern incidents of emotional abuse which have been investigated and the resulting action taken and some of the cases are pretty nasty. Unfortunately emotional abuse goes hand in hand with domestic violence, sexual abuse and physical abuse, alcoholism and drug use. It’s not a pretty side to humanity. However I am now thinking maybe I’m interested in working in a social service where you can help these families and you can try to improve the life of these children. Who knows what the future holds…

Recently my riding has been improving – I’ve been being far more ballsy and did some ‘manning up’. This means that my instructor has been getting me to do more and more technical obstacles, some of which make me want to cry and/or run away, and others which are really satisfying and fun. I did take a small tumble a few weeks ago but it was more a comical plop into the sand than anything dramatic. There was also the first of James coming to watch me ride – I didn’t scare him too much I don’t think and apparently I didn’t bore him too much as he said he would be prepared to come again.

I have succumbed to pressures from my boyfriend and his friends to try out the game ‘Left4Dead’ (L4D from now on) and I have to admit it is somewhat addictive. There is a great deal of satisfaction in executing a planned attack with team mates, or getting the perfect headshot. I was also introduced to the members of the gaming world, where I have found a few ‘allies’ (can’t call someone who you’ve spoken to on headset during games, mostly about zombie tactics a friend) and I’ve been met with a very small amount of abuse for being a girl. I mean one or two people, which surprised me – apparently other online games are worse but I was very much expecting to be flamed and ridiculed for being involved in something which is so male dominated. People have mostly just expressed surprise at me playing, and a few people have said it’s nice to play with a girl for a change – although I am wary of those who may be starved of female contact outside the internet.

I think that is pretty much everything for now. I’ll try and be more proactive again; this blog is a good way for me to record my experiences for myself even if it has a very small reading base.

Lotsa Love
Kat
xxx

Recently I had another fall off a horse, however this one was rather impressive; I came off at full gallop with my friend after both our horses bolted off with us up and down a hill, and abruptly tried to take a 90degree turn, which neither me or my friend followed them in. Although it was rather traumatic and scary, both me and my friend walked away, me with just winded lungs, bruised ribs and a few scrapes and my friend (who hit and broke a fence) with a dodged shoulder and swollen leg. All things considered we were bloody lucky (although didn’t really feel it when I first hit the ground) and I have decided to conclude from this incident that I am, in fact, super human. You may call me Invinci-girl if you so wish. Although I don’t think I’m going to do that again in a hurry to test my newly discovered invincibility

Until now I haven’t felt it was right or haven’t wanted to blog about it, but my Grandma has been ill for quite some time and has been in and out of hospital, after an ulcer on her leg became infected. From this, she had a few small strokes, which left her in a condition similar to that of dementure; very confused, and almost completely unable to recognise anyone. I went along with my family to visit her about a month ago (on mothers day), and it was awful; she was very thin, and the Grandma who I knew and loved seemed to be no longer around – my dad (she was his mother) found this obviously very upsetting, and I think everyone will agree nothing quite breaks the heart like seeing a parent distressed.
At one point I had to leave the room, because I was unable to contain the tears which I had been holding back for the sake of my dad. As I did the only other visitor who was with us in the living room area looked at me and said “Its alright, it gets better”. I cannot thank that man enough; he also talked to my dad, as his mother was in a similar ‘vegetable’ state and had been in the care home for 4 years. When I was outside, I could see into the room of another resident, and the woman who appeared to be visiting looked over and asked if I was okay.
What struck me in that old peoples home was not the desolation of old age, not the loneliness that reaching such a stage in life can bring, but the comaraderie. These two strangers recognised the pain that me and my family were in, and offered to help. They understood it and they wanted to let us know that it would be okay, one way or another this would get better.
Unfortunately, my grandma died about 2 weeks ago, the funeral is this Friday. Her death has been my first brush with family bereavement (not counting pets obviously) and it has reminded me, as sometimes we are, of how fragile life is and how quickly it seems to pass. 

On that note, I think I’ll leave it there.
Love Kat
xxx

P.s, its my birthday on Wednesday

Anyway, my last few days at Uni before easter weren’t the best due to a horrible and rather traumatic accident which resulted in a friend and house mate being rushed to hospital, however I don’t want to write about it on my blog for two reasons – 1) it was really awful and its not fun to remember, let alone type out in all its gory glory. 2) I had to give a statement to the police about it and I’m not sure whats going on there exactly, so its best if I don’t make a published written account. If you know me personally and are ‘interested’, I will have probs already told you, if not feel free to ask. I do however wish my flatmate the speediest recovery possible. 

So I am glad to be home although I do miss my lovely uni friends and all the freedoms university has with it. In truth I’m bored out of my mind, but I do have the exciting task of revision to distract me from picking my eyeballs out with a spoon or something equally entertaining. Also, to stave of the boredom, I have been reading books in the twilight series, which I am enjoying despite the very blatant character flaws. However it does appear that these books have some creepy crazy subliminal message in them which causes its fans to resort to ACTUAL violence when the book is critisized. This website “Twilight Sucks” has compiled a fairly horrific list of the ‘twihards’ actions. (I thought that was a great name for the fangirls.) and I was shocked that there are things like acid being thrown in faces, arms being stood on till they snapped and flare-guns being shot. I mean obviously some of these might be made up but I expect some are true… So if you know or if you are a Twihard – chillax, its only a book…its fiction, and if you look critically at it, some parts of it arent that great (I’m sorry Bella, what are you thinking?! JACOB ALL THE WAY!) 

Anyway, enough of that before I lose a limb
Lotsa Love Kat
xxx

I truly feel divided on the matter; who can blame a dying woman for wanting to use her status in the public eye to get some more money for her children? Who would begrudge her a wedding? Who can scoff at her whilst she suffers? I certainly wont. Also I read on the BBC (I think) that since the announcement of her illness, the number of cervical smear tests being taken have increased – something which can detect cervical cancer earlier on in the disease and aid in its treatment. Further more it is very sad to know that her boys will be left without a mother and have had to suffer through what is usually a private ordeal so publicly. 

However as many people keep saying; Jade Goody is one of the huge number of cancer patients in England and across the world and she is not a martyr. The publication of her final hours so graphically and so intrusively by the media makes me think “Just let her be in peace, you have all the time in the world to write about it later”; but I also have the thought that she too should maybe withdraw herself for the sake of her children. Furthermore I feel frustrated by the leniency that her newlywed husband has been treated with. I’m not really aware of how other convicts are dealt with in this situation but I believe it is no where near as ‘nicely’ and I imagine not as many exceptions are made. I don’t begrudge him the time, more the feeling I have that he would not get it if she was not famous (for, lets face it, being fairly amusing and apparently ‘down to earth’ but also ignorant, stupid, being accused of being a racist and participating in the big brother house)

SO anyway. back to me! Yesterday was amazingly good weather, so everyone got out their legs and wondered around in summer gear, despite it actually being a bit nippy with a wind. I went to feed the ducks with my friend but ended up first being mugged by a pair of geese and then actually feeding the huge fish in the lake. There were millions I swear – I bet we have a giant squid!

Lots of Summery Love, Kat

xxx

This last week has been an entertaining concoction of watching my friends sleep deprive themselves (bed at around 1am, up at 4am for at least 3 days straight) and subsequently overdosing on caffeine – there is something slightly peculiar to walking into the kitchen in the morning and finding Sophie making her 5th cup of tea at 9am. She was so hyper she was actually unable to stand still or stop shaking like a crack addict! It was also the week Sophie and Laura invented ‘Dave’, the resident psycho who sat in the kitchen naked, holding a knife and rocking (or so they told the boys at a ridiculous hour in the morning – the reactions were apparently priceless. Will yelped “CALL SECURITY, LOCK YOUR DOORS” and locked his own, Harry jumped out of bed to bravely deal with him and Laurence worked out that Dave might just be the figment of two over caffeinated, bored, imaginations). This little anecdote was later told to the prospective students who came looking around our halls on Wednesday – they looked mildly terrified, despite us explaining it didn’t often happen!

My room was decorated with post-it notes by Leonie and Helene. They wrote about 70 notes of love and friendship, running through the entire alphabet with ”Kat is A for Amazing” all the way through to “Kat is Z for Zebra-licious” and covered my windows and walls. They even set music up for me to listen to when I discovered their surprise (It was “if you’re happy and you know it”, sung by barney the dinosaur, courtesy of youtube)

Something I realise I havn’t mentioned, was that a few weeks ago (19th Feb) one of my rabbits (Astra – the black and white one for anyone who has seen my two bunnies) had to be put to sleep after very suddenly contracting what the vet suspected was a brain infection. So sad times.

May the madness continue

Lotsa Love Kat

xxx